LATE BLOOMER - Part I

"Auditions for The Vagina Monologues. No experience necessary..."

I will never forget stumbling across that ad. I remember reading it over and over and over again, all the while wondering why. I'd never auditioned for anything in my life and the only "real" acting I'd done was high school Drama and a theatre class WAY back in 1st year university that I'd dropped halfway through the semester due to paralyzing shyness. And now all these years later I was staring at this ad, an ad for auditions for a show I'd seen at least 50 or 60 times standing as an usher at the back of the Music Hall and the Panasonic. A show that I wasn't even sure I really liked or understood, much less would ever want to be in. A show that I could NEVER invite my mom and dad to. But I couldn't stop reading the ad. And I'd happened upon it really late -- the auditions were the next day. I didn't book an appointment, because I had no idea if I'd be able to go through with it. The following evening I went to Metro Hall where the auditions were, but instead of going to the audition room, I went to the library. I sat there for an hour, knowing that the auditions were taking place a floor above me but still completely unsure as to what I was doing there. Eventually, with a boulder in my stomach, I went upstairs and sat in the waiting area. The director came out to call the next person and asked who I was... I was no one on her list. Bad news. She was really sorry but there was no room to fit me in. They were full.

I don't know what it was in me that made me beg her, but I begged her. She said she'd see what she could do and disappeared back through the same door. I waited, all the while feeling like I was going to vomit and yet absolutely certain that I could not leave. Eventually she re-emerged and told me that the person scheduled for right then hadn't shown up and if I wanted, I could come in right NOW. Oh my God. I'd never auditioned for anything in my life. Now. Uh. Okay. I needed to pick a piece. I decided to pick my favourite one from back when I'd been an usher 6 years earlier. I walked in and saw a panel of about 7 people, my knees almost buckled, and I began telling a story called My Vagina Was My Village. I have no idea why, for my first audition, I chose a piece that is told in two distinctly different voices. But I did. And then I remember the panel members all looking at each other and nodding and speaking in short bursts that seemed like code. I was asked to read something else. I did. I felt like the whole thing was completely out-of-body. 24 hours before this, I'd had no idea that these auditions were happening. 1 hour ago I'd had no idea if I would have the guts to get up the escalator. And now there I was, doing my first audition ever with zero prep in front of 7 people. But I was doing it. I reached the dreaded "upstairs".

Days passed. And then I found out.

I got a part. The part that they'd asked me to read. I had no idea that it was the closing piece in the show - that I was going to be the audience's last impression. Oh dear Lord. I dove into the piece, telling myself to treat it like a song. I was used to singing for people. Just approach it like you would your own lyrics, I told myself. I fell in love with it. I invited my sister to the show but not my folks -- I told them I "didn't think they'd like some pieces". In other words "Mom, I'm afraid that parts of this show might give you a stroke." During our dress rehearsal, a member of our cast named Judith came up to me after I'd done my piece, gently placed her hand on my shoulder and whispered the word "exquisite" in my ear.

I remember feeling so grateful and that my moment boosting my confidence so much. I was really flying blind, being led by nothing but my emotions and my instincts, but it was working. Judith's last name was Thompson. I wouldn't learn who she was until I read the program after the show. I performed on that stage, the Jane Mallett stage, being so incredibly nervous and so incredibly calm simultaneously. My body was vibrating. I sat in that chair in a daze as to how I'd gotten there. I was in a show with Shirley Douglas! And Melissa Auf Der Maur from Hole! And Rachel Freakin' McAdams! WHAT THE?!?!?! And lovely Judith who to me was just a nice lady then... because her world was still a foreign one. I was happy, nervous, excited, confused and proud of myself. I couldn't believe I'd auditioned, gotten such a glorious part, and done it justice. But I had. I was there in that theatre. I was there on that stage. I was there in the room.

I was abuzz. I was in love and knew nothing about exactly what I was in love with. Back when I'd been working my ushering job, I had fallen in love with two musicals - A Little Night Music, and Ragtime. Ragtime had rocked my life like no other musical since Les Mis; it still remains my second favourite score of all time. A few days later I saw the posting online - a 10th anniversary production was coming back to the Ford Centre and they were holding auditions next Monday until 10:30 pm. Having to work until 9:30 -- could I get there? I got off the train at North York Centre station and I ran. I arrived to see the music director closing the piano and the director putting away her binder. It was 10:24 and since no one was waiting, they were leaving. They looked at the clock and realized they couldn't really turn me away... I remember saying "Please just let me audition - I'll sing a cappella if I need to." The musical director asked me what I was going to sing and I told her. Oh Lord, this was only my SECOND audition ever and I was trying out for a musical that I adored almost more than life itself. I remember taking a really deep breath and thinking "Okay, singing is good. You can do this."

I started, a bit shaky with nervousness at first but getting stronger with every line. And then, it just started soaring. I remember it clearly, like it was yesterday. I got a callback -- they wanted me to try out for the role of Sarah!! What the?!?!?! So I did. I stood in the middle of a circle of other auditionees singing bars from Wheels Of A Dream and Your Daddy's Son, and the nerves really got me. I didn't get cast as Sarah, but I did get a part. I was ecstatic. Holy crap - Ragtime!!! My initial audition had worked for me. Thank god they hadn't left at 10:23! I had sung that song with so much love, so much abandon... and it had paid off. I was in Ragtime! I'll always remember that audition. I dreamed a dream... and then lived it.

About a month later, I got an email that seemed not incredibly significant at the time. The producers of V-Day Toronto were stepping down, and The Vagina Monologues was going to need a new boss. This was interesting news but had nothing to do with me. I was only in the cast, I wasn't a producer.

Why the heck was this in my inbox?

...

xo TT