Pride Can't Af-Ford Him

Let's put today's bike lane development aside for a moment. (Rob, you REALLY want to make this difficult, don't you??)

There are very strong feelings on both sides about Rob Ford's declaration that he will not attend the Pride parade, opting instead to spend the Canada Day weekend at his cottage with his immediate and extended family. Proponents of Pride and spokespeople for the gay community are seeing it as an obvious and deliberate snub. (Which I think we can safely say it is.) People are speaking out, posting online and writing letters to and about the mayor, saying things like "Too bad about his vacation, he has to work." But the actual fact is that he DOESN'T.

The mayor doesn't have to attend Pride. It's not one of his official duties. Recent mayors have accepted the invitation, but the mayor is entitled to decline. And if there's ANY mayor who we could have predicted would decline, it's this piece of work. As Krista Erickson would say "It's not [his] cup of tea."

I'm a bit conflicted about this. It's just too easy to give in to emotion and say "He should go, damn it!" I am NO fan of Rob Ford, I'm pretty clear on that. But whether browbeating him for not attending Pride is right or helpful is a debatable issue. Would it be respectful of him to go? Yes. Would it be unifying? Yes. But here's where things get m-e-s-s-y. When you deal with anything involving homosexuality, you deal with religious doctrine and belief. And there is NOTHING stickier.

Should the mayor be FORCED to do something that is NOT a duty of his office if it flies in the face of his religion? I don't know. The thing that makes Pride SUCH a hot potato is that it affirms a life that goes completely against some people's deeply-held religious convictions. If someone who is a devout Catholic also happens to be Mayor, is it right to ask or expect him to celebrate Pride when he believes (maybe without malice, maybe just with blind belief) that homosexuality is wrong? Is it right to demand that he be there to make a proclamation that he thinks would be betraying himself or his God? Is it right to ask anyone to do that? If you consider the fact that to some people, homosexuality will always be a religious issue, asking the mayor to attend Pride is on par with asking him to attend a pro-abortion march. The chances of it are almost nil.

Another HUGE festival/parade brings a million people into the city every year and is a boon to our economy -- Caribana. It is a celebration of the culture of the tens of thousands of people of Caribbean descent who have made Toronto their home. Given the type of marginalization and discrimination that blacks once faced in this city (and still do at times) it is - like Pride - not only a party but a statement of existence and a declaration of how far we've come. David Miller always came to Caribana and we enjoyed having him there. But I don't expect Rob Ford to come, because I don't think that Rob Ford would be comfortable. And it doesn't bother me. (I don't think that I'd be very comfortable at Oktoberfest, but it doesn't mean for a moment that I would ever treat those whose culture is represented by that festival in an unjust manner.) I would like to assume the same fair-mindedness in our mayor. Is it lame and kind of sad that Rob Ford probably won't attend Caribana? Yes. But it doesn't bother me -- as long as his discomfort with being in a sea of black people doesn't translate into bigotry in his governance.

I'm aware that the two events aren't exactly the same. The sanctioning of discrimination because on race doesn't exist to nearly the same level that the sanctioning of discrimination based on sexual orientation does. But in some ways I view Pride in a similar light in this instance. It's two groups who have had to fight hard for their rights throwing large celebrations of affirmation. But because homophobia is the actual doctrine of some religions (whereas racism isn't, to the same extent), it's even MORE likely that you will have mayors who feel that they don't want to attend.

It is ALWAYS the right thing to fight for and acknowledge civil rights. Were Mayor Ford to actively try to enact policy that denied gay men and women their legal rights, I'd be the first person marching. But the hardest thing to fight is a person's personal religious belief. Because you can't, really. As long as a person is confident that their belief is God's will, how do you argue that? That conviction is what allows people to strap dynamite to themselves and blow themselves and innocent people to smithereens. How do you force people to act in opposition to their beliefs, if such action is NOT clearly mandated in their job duties? Mayor Ford ISN'T obligated to attend Pride. We may not like it, but that's the current state of affairs. It is something that past - and smarter - mayors have CHOSEN to do as a means of acknowledging the gay men and women who live in and contribute to our city, and to show acknowledgement for the economic gift to Toronto that Pride Week is. But we all knew when Ford was elected that we were getting the most conservative mayor we've had in quite some time. (This is all part of the reason why so many Lefties were encouraging Pantalone supporters to vote Smitherman - imagine - we actually could have HAD a gay mayor!) So, knowing that attendance at Pride activities is not mandatory, I'm actually far less shocked to find out that he isn't going than I am to find out that people seriously expected him to!

Here are those Devil's Advocate questions (because I have a recurring habit of placing myself temporarily into that role): 1) Just as we have the freedom to honour our opinions and not take part in activities that contradict them, where does our mayor's right to exercise his own personal freedom end? (2) If he is not obligated to attend Pride, then can we call ourselves democratic if we attempt to dictate how he spends what is officially a Holiday weekend and his personal time? Maybe the issue is not whether or not he is attending, but whether or not he should be ALLOWED NOT TO. What should be looked at here is what is included on the Mayor's list of mandatory events. The Pride Committee and Metro Council need to address THAT. Does Pride need to be added to the list? Can it be? Maybe so, maybe not. But something needs to be done, to try to lessen the likelihood of this happening again.

Anyone who read my note Why Spirit Day Mattered To Me KNOWS how I feel about the "issue" of sexual orientation. My heart breaks for those who feel slighted or hurt by Rob's decision and obviously, I feel strongly that the mayor should spend a couple of days with his family and then return to town for the parade. But I am also a lefty Pinko (I cannot believe the day has come when I am quoting Don Cherry) with many gay friends and acquaintances whom I adore. I don't follow a religious doctrine that points in the opposite direction from my moral compass, so it's easy for me to make what seems like a very obvious assertion. I suspect that for Rob Ford, it is considerably more difficult and perhaps, even scary. The dude has an acute case of xenophobia, which I'm thinking isn't the affliction you wanna have when running for Mayor of the one of the most diverse cities on the planet. But he did run, and thousands and thousands of people who knew who and what he was voted for him anyway. A sad commentary on a whole lotta Torontonians.

You know what I think? A mayor that won't acknowledge or accept Pride should also not acknowledge or accept the money it generates. The city's economy will have been significantly bolstered afterward, which makes his job easier. Sadly though, he's far too simplistic in his thinking to realize how interdependent everything is. So it's kind of like trying to have an intelligent conversation with a very dull knife. Pride can't afford to allow this man to mar a wonderful celebration. The community has worked too hard. Do we really want him there if he's going to look revolted the entire time? Do we want him to come to the parade (which CAN be pretty darn raunchy in parts!) and leave entrenched with even harsher stereotypes? Seriously. The fact that a lot of the parade is camp would be lost on this man. He is not evolved; he's clearly not ready to open his mind. Prying it open may result in the little bit of brain matter that the poor man does possess oozing out and spilling onto Church Street.

Rob Ford isn't trying to shut down Pride nor is he railing against it. He's adopting the stance of "You do what you're gonna do, and I'll do what I'm gonna do." It's NOT THE RIGHT ATTITUDE. It's misinformed and misguided. But this is Rob Ford we're talking about. Why is anyone surprised that he isn't going? At least Pride is here, and it's strong. It's sad that our city is being led my a man who we have to try to drag to Pride kicking and screaming. But why do that? Doesn't that increase hostility? Is it not better to have a mayor there who's there because he feels that it's the right thing to do? Mel Lastman didn't initially attend Pride either, and then changed his mind during the course of his term. So change is possible. What Rob Ford needs is to be educated, as hard as that might be. What are the other choices? To say that someone with his attitude shouldn't be Mayor is a moot point. He's already in office. And if Mr. Ford doesn't know how to be the bigger person, then maybe we need to be. My guess is that just hurling insults at him ISN'T the best way to go about bringing his heart around.

Our mayor lives in a world of "us" and "them", and the sad truth is that the reality of his attitudes have yet to catch up to the reality of his title. The reality of the title is that one needs to exercise good enough judgment to know that sometimes you accept invitations not because it's mandated, but because it makes you look like a mayor who gives a crap. The reality is that sometimes when you represent over 3 million people, the city IS the church and those people are the congregation. And while you may not become best friends with everyone or agree with everyone's lifestyles, you can still sit down and break bread once a year. Because that is civil. And compassionate. And mature.

THAT'S mayoral.

Don't fret my friends. The storm cloud only makes your rainbow more beautiful. As I type these words while listening to the cars drive through the water on the street, this seems beyond apropos.

- TT